The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
