I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
