there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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