You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
