Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
