addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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