To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
