Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
