Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
