If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
