i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
