They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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