Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's the barista slut.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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