I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
