i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
