Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
