you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
