Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
