At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
