If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize