Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
