dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
