Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
