Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
