Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drake has all the answers
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
