Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
