i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
this hospital has no fireball
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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