i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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