I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
