well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
