i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
