I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
