you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
