there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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