i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
