Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
