Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
