im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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