mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
