imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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