How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
