the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
