Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
