The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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