I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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