i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
