We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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