I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
