i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
