I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize