So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize