I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
