even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
