I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
