I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
