why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
