it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
