i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
