My liver just broke up with me...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
