I hope mine doesn't look like that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
