Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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