I just saw a hot homeless man
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
