it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
