Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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