I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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