I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
