if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
