Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
