You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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