The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
