so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My feet surprised me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
