Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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