oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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