you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
