I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
