I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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