I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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