just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
