Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
