This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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