They should really pass out barf bags in church
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
