you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
