I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
