he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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