A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize