a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
