After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
