i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
