My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
