First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
