so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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