my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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