My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
