I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
