I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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