i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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