conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
