Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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