You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
