I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The best revenge is premature balding
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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