I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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